05/13/2026: What Are YOU Going to Do with That?

Things are steady and time is flying by fast. I’m still feeling good about things, but I’m also still mentally flailing around a little as I figure out what’s next in my near future. Despite these spiraling thoughts, however, it also dawned on me that I’m in the perfect situation to go for broke—considering I am currently broke—and take a chance on me. 

After a long and fruitful conversation, I decided that I should at least try to pursue my own interests in the realm of copyediting and self-publishing since I currently have nothing to lose. I even considered gig work again, because at least that way I’m in charge of how much I work and how much I make.

I just can’t help but feel repulsed by the corporate world; I’ve been out of the game too long, but to be fair, I don’t think I ever knew how to play the game in the first place, nor did I ever enjoy trying to learn. It goes against everything I am, down to each individual atom in my body, and the thought of getting stuck in that world again makes me want to scream. 

I just feel like my talents could be better used elsewhere, and if that means I’m better off being my own boss, then maybe I should accept that. With all the tools at my disposal, and the experience and confidence in myself that I’ve gained so far, I believe I’m at a make-or-break point, a crucial fork in the road where things are going to change dramatically for the better or worse. And something inside just keeps nagging me, pushing me toward my own path, one where I call the shots and I actually believe and invest in myself for a change. 

I had the revelation a long time ago, but recently I’ve been thinking about how there are little to no things that I’ve done solely for myself. The people-pleasing path has been a long one, many years of doing what I thought would make my loved ones proud and provide me with fulfillment. But every time I reached another milestone, I found myself restlessly searching for the next one, and that feeling of something missing never quite went away. 

My mind often goes back to one of the first times I had a genuine interest in something, but I was hit with the age-old question from someone who has never known what it’s like to be passionate about something, whether it pays well or not: What are you going to do with that? I let that question bring me down and dictate my life, and ever since that day, I’ve been aimlessly searching for the answer to an inquiry I never deemed important or necessary to ask myself. At least I was searching, before now. What I’d like to ask that person now is: What are you going to do with your life besides try to control mine?

So many people that have something to say about how other people live don’t know how to live themselves. And the moment I realized that, everything changed. When I understood that I could give myself all the support and love that I’ll ever need, suddenly those passions and dreams became less out of reach. And that’s where I find myself now, burning to defy and destroy the foundation on which the world and “the norm” stands, and to finally do something for myself that gives my life meaning, not someone else’s.

Once money ceases to be a factor in your desire to pursue something, and once you realize that going with the flow literally hurts your soul, you have the chance to embark on the journey of tireless pursuit, to be completely and utterly free. It takes time and a lot of soul-searching, but it’s something that we can all have, if we want it.

But regardless of what we want, we also have to let others want what they want.