08/16/2025: The Wrong Side of the Bed…or the Universe

You ever wake up on the wrong side of the whole entire universe? Yeah, me too. And it wasn’t fun at all. 

A friend of mine coined the term “ostrich-ing,” the necessary act of sticking your head in the sand when you’re having a bad mental day. And while it’s a good term, I think I burrowed completely underground at the beginning of the week, so I guess I have to come up with another animal that fits the description of how done I was with everything.

I think the simple fact of it is that I got overwhelmed with everything going on and it finally crashed down around me. My ability to hyper focus on things, to obsess over them to the point of illness at times, just catches up to me now and then, and I just shut down. It’s not the healthiest coping mechanism I realize, but it’s just me. I just became very aware that soon we’ll have to have a solid plan and I’ve got a lot of pressure coming my way to ensure that we can make this life-changing transition as smoothly - and as financially safe - as possible. 

It’s things that can’t be immediately acted upon, but that have to be seriously thought about so time doesn’t get away from us and all our backup plans don’t fall through. It’s a lot, and this week my mind finally told me it couldn't handle it right now. So I tried to listen, and I took the rest of the week to just step away from everything. I didn’t write all week and I tried to keep the future plans to a minimum as I just vegged out and played my favorite game. 

I’ve been stressing so much that I haven’t even been giving myself the time I want to plan my upcoming milestone birthday. Thirty is a mere eleven days away, and I’m still kind of paralyzed when it comes to making decisions. I keep telling everyone that I don’t think I feel a depressed crisis coming or anything like that; I think I’ll feel the same once the clock strikes the minute I was born three decades ago. 

But I do think that I’m hyper aware of the fact that it’s going to be a lonely one compared to past birthdays, because almost everyone I know is miles away and they won’t be able to celebrate with me. These are the times I miss people the most, and I hope that despite the sparse RSVPs and the low turn out I can still find it in me to enjoy the weekend leading up to the big day and wrap things up with a fun night out on the actual day. 

I’m about to find out if the thirties really are the best years soon. I really hope they are.