07/01/2026: Practice → Suck Less
The theme of the month ahead is “Practice, suck less.” I’ve been fighting my way forward, past all the self-doubt and the unresolved feelings from those who won’t hear me, and I hope that as I press on that the burden will feel lighter again soon.
I don’t know if realizing people aren’t willing to understand makes it better or worse to be honest. While they go about their lives and boast about improving themselves, they don’t even realize how hypocritical they’re being. They have enough grace to give themselves as they defend their own standards and boundaries, but they still don’t understand that there’s a level of growth beyond this that requires them to respect others’ standards and boundaries as well.
Instead of understanding this, however, they continue to lash out—or worse, remain silent—as they continue on their half-ass healing journey. Meanwhile, those who are doing the hard work of learning to love people for their shortcomings—even if they still fail miserably at times—are feeling all the hard feelings on MAX level, wondering why others can’t see that while they blaze their own trail they’re completely plowing through and disregarding everyone else’s. Sadly, such is life for the most part.
There are days when the “So quit” voice is loud in my head, and I know it would be easier to give into its simple demand. It would be so much simpler to stay in a state of mind-numbing and self-gratifying oblivion, to just go along with the rest of the crowd, to think I’m fine with not having any dreams at all. But I’m not ready to roll over and die yet. If anything, “So quit” has become the mantra that has kept me going the most lately. There’s something about being so blunt about it after working so hard toward a meaningful goal, something that immediately sparks defensiveness inside me. I’m offended by the harsh finality of the words, the accusation that I’d just say yes and hang it all up just like that.
But every time I hear it, something else happens; it gives me an edge that I didn’t know I could have. It makes me get up in the morning, nourish my body and soul properly so I can get to work doing the hard but necessary work. It makes me appreciate all the challenges, and it makes me feel deserving of the peace and ease of the in-betweens with the people and things I love. It makes me fall asleep thinking about how I can practice and suck less the following day, it makes me get up and do it all over again, and it makes me do it for nobody else but me.
And as long as I’m me, I won’t stop fighting for what I deem worth the fight, and that includes fighting for myself. I just have to accept that I’m the only one who can do this, and I’m the only one who truly understands what my body and soul need. So this month, I’m going to practice, and I’m going to suck less. I’m going to be a lot kinder to myself than I have been lately. I’m going to stop waiting for reassurances and apologies that are never going to come—or that won’t be sincere when or if they do come—and I’m going to say less and start doing more.