02/04/2026: In Search of Batteries
It’s crazy how fast you can go from having a good week to being exhausted and embarrassed to be alive. Our minds truly are capable of anything, and that’s equally marvelous and unfortunate. The daily fluctuations of physical and mental health are truly extraordinary, though I’m a little worn out from the whiplash as of late.
Sometimes our battery dies, and before it can completely recharge, we get sapped of even more energy, making it impossible to get through even the most mundane day-to-day things. By this point, a simple egg yolk broken on the counter or a forgotten password can mean the end of your “perfect” day you envisioned unfolding after your morning tea and meditation.
Between the goings on in the world and mentally being in my own way lately, I’m desperately searching for the factory reset switch, or at least some new batteries for a quick boost back to normal. But right now I just feel like I’m being kicked while I’m down, and I’m too tired to do anything else but lay there and take it. Even the coffee shop is buzzing with too much unfamiliar energy this morning, and I just want to go back home and hide beneath the covers. I feel like I’m just a shell of a person and everybody can see it.
Something inside me still needs to heal; I just haven’t had much time and energy to figure out what that is. All I know is that sometimes I feel more burdensome than helpful, and I’m tired of internally cringing when an acquaintance is bold enough to make light of a serious situation that’s near and dear to my inner morals. I feel like screaming and disappearing without a trace, to a place where I can say what I mean and not be afraid to take up space. Unfortunately for me, that place is the birthplace of turmoil right now, inside my own mind. And it’s clear I’ve got some sorting to do.
I know it’s good to feel and to process, but I’m ready for the upswing. Empaths don’t have an easy go of things when they can’t help but feel everything around them. They can’t always turn that intense emotion off even for the sake of their health. Being one of them, I can’t stress enough how drained I am, and how desperate I am to pull on those wires that power my hypersensitive brain to cut the lights off for even just a little while.
It’s been a long time, but I find myself thinking about nature, and the beautiful escapes I always used to take to reset and unplug. And now that’s all I want to do. I just want to get away before everything changes and things become real in my new life. These are the times that retreating into myself to a beautiful and solitary place heals my soul the most. Now I just have to figure out how to make that work financially, and with the schedule that’s about to ramp up with packing and scheduling the moving company. I hope I find a way.
All I know right now is that if I don’t find some batteries—or that reset button—sooner than later, I’m not going to make it through these next few demanding months. And I need to be my best self for what’s to come. I need to find that joy inside me that I know is in there about getting the chance to start over with the one I love, in a place where we can chase our dreams together.