05/10/2025: That Ideal Dream

Something has awakened in me this week. When tomorrow is done, I’ll have enough writing hours put in that I pretty much had a full time job this week doing what I love most. And I can see myself doing this every day without burnout or boredom so clearly. And that’s really all I want. 

I’m creeping up on my word count little by little as I put all my spare time into a rough draft novel manuscript, and a first finished pass is on a nearer horizon that I would have dared anticipate even a week ago. I just couldn’t stand the fact that a full seven days of work got ruined by getting sick, so I decided to make up the lost time. 

The excitement and desire to write more has only grown, so I’ve been riding this phenomenal wave and all the feelings that come with it while I can. My mindset has shifted in a matter of days, and now I find myself wondering if there’s a place for me to do this thing full time while I work on my own projects. 

Maybe I’ll get lucky and find a job adjacent to what I want to do, or maybe I’ll finally buckle down and learn about the world of freelance work. It’s scary to think about, seeing as I’ve never done freelance work and I don’t have professional experience. But maybe, just maybe, my personal and academic skills I’ve picked up over the course of my life are actually worth something. 

I just refuse to believe that all the writing I’ve done over the years isn’t worth or equivalent to some worldly experience. All I’m asking for is a chance. And after all the years I’ve spent learning skills that I’ll probably never need again, I’m just ready to do what I actually want to do. I’d rather tell myself what to do at this point, and work my own schedule while continuing to provide in all the other areas I’ve come to enjoy providing in. 

I never thought that I’d enjoy keeping and maintaining our home as much as I do now, and the thought of rejoining the workforce is a little discouraging in regards to that. Ideally, I would be waking up and doing what I love, or something adjacent, from my very own home, and I’d be able to tend to all the other things I’ve grown accustomed to around the house at the same time. But that’s the most ideal scenario. 

I know life doesn’t always work out the way you envision it. At the same time, though, I know I’m willing to work a little harder now to make that ideal dream a reality for both of us.