04/25/2025: Drastic Life Changes and Reinvigorated Creativity

I’m currently distracted about potential and drastic life changes. I’m equally eager to dive in and find a viable solution right away and desperate to put that aside for now so I can focus on my creative endeavors that I’ve finally found my way back to after a long period of doubt. Now that we have a decent - albeit scary - lead on said life change, we at least have time to digest it and consider all possibilities. So I’ll do my best to think about other things tonight.

After weeks of revisiting old work and considering all my creative avenues, I’ve finally zeroed in on one path. I’ve decided to continue in the direction I was going, with a fresh perspective and a lot more optimism than I previously had. I think imposter syndrome has been real for me this year ever since I decided to tackle a single large project. I’m moving away from what I’ve known for two years into a complete unknown as I slow up on my short stories and focus all my efforts on a potential novel. 

I realized that I’ve proven I love writing and that I won’t get tired of it, so I need to put everything I’ve learned together and see what comes of it. I’m finally motivated and inspired again, and I feel that old familiar thrill when I put words down and give voices to my own characters. The possibilities are endless as I just have fun and see what I can come up with, and I’m happy with where I’m headed. It’s going to be a long journey, that I always knew, but I feel so much more clear headed and sure about it at least. 

I just wish that I had a few more years under my belt so that this looming life decision was simpler. But if I had chased this dream at any other time and in any other place of my life I wouldn’t be where I am right now. I don’t think I was ready before now, honestly; I probably would’ve given it up again or not even entertained the idea at all. But I know for sure now that this is what I want to do with the time I have left, and I just want to make a life choice that will satisfy both mine and my love’s dreams this time, which is why it’s going to be such a big decision. 

I just know that if we stay the course that we’ve already surrendered to everything that we despise, and everything that shatters our souls. There’s still so much to consider, but I already know that a simpler life is a need, and I really hope to find a solution sometime soon.