I’m Sorry

***Disclaimer: I got this idea from Pinterest, an exercise where you write a 20 word sentence, then a 19 word sentence, and so on, ending the story with one word.***

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I just realized a truth about myself and my relationships that I just can’t stop turning over in my head. 

Yesterday I read a line in a book that opened my eyes to how people must feel about me. 

I scare them by being genuine and pure, and they’re not willing to share their vulnerabilities with me. 

I’m not seeking to out anyone; I just want people to know I’m here, good or bad. 

But to love someone fully is to love the dark parts that people hide from others. 

And I realized people are keen on hiding those from one another, showing only good. 

I’m not trying to scare anyone or force them to look in the mirror. 

When I say I’m here for you, I mean it wholeheartedly: I’m here. 

I didn’t know it was wrong to want real and complete relationships. 

I didn’t know I was running people off by being myself. 

I can’t control your hurt, guilt, shame, or your doubt. 

It’s damned if I do, damned if I don’t. 

It’s not in my control; I can’t win. 

I can only be here and lose. 

If I leave, I lose too. 

I’m not competing or begging. 

And I still lose. 

To my people. 

I’m sorry.

Truly. 

THE END