07/15/2026: Dark Cloud, Brick Wall

Is it possible to feel like darkness is looming and that you’ve run into a solid brick wall at the same time? That’s how I feel today.

While some dreads and doubts are still lingering and waiting to be revealed and/or confronted, some have come to fruition as a harsh slap in the face. Aside from the mental game of worrying about being good enough—or concerning myself with what others think about my current situation—there have been some physically tough setbacks recently. And to both of these obstacles, I say: I’m hard enough on myself without help, and I hate the construct of money, the one reason I can never be completely free no matter what I do. 

Do you ever wonder what it would be like if we couldn’t lie to one another? Of course that would do a lot of harm, but the good part about it would be that we’d save a lot of time and heartache that would otherwise be wasted trying to get people to care or trying to find out if they were ever sincere about their feelings and intentions to begin with. 

Do you ever wish that money would just vanish? To be rich would just contribute to the problem that already exists in absurd abundance, so it’s nice to imagine that a digital numerical value no longer holds power over the less fortunate folk, or anyone for that matter. 

Now, can you imagine a perfect world where both of these things are true? A place where we all get to be ourselves and forge our own paths? A life that thrives on true connections waiting to be made and passions waiting to be pursued, with no physical or mental limits? What a world that would be, and what a world the one we’re living in would never deign to become. 

I know thinking about things that will never come to pass is probably a waste of time, but I still like to contemplate abstract and improbable things when I’m feeling low. It gives me a certain power over my situation, I guess. It helps me see people and things for who and what they are, and though it’s often hard for me to reach the state of grace and understanding that I know I must grant to others if I want this act to be repaid in kind, it at least turns me toward the path of empathy and growth. 

Once the initial pain and anger subsides, things usually become clearer in regards to myself and the people around me, even the world as a whole. I can begin to accept the things I can’t change, and I can be honest with myself about the things I can improve upon inside and out. I may not get others to be honest with or fair to me—or even themselves—but I can be true to me and be my best self around them. I’ll never get out from under the influence and power of material things, but I can bend them to my will and advantage to get where I’m trying to go on my creative journey instead of breaking my soul to increase corporate profit. 

So I guess, in a way, people can be honest and sincere if they want to, and money doesn’t have to dictate every aspect of life if we’re willing to adjust our standard of living to make room for the things we truly need in order to be fulfilled. For others, though, wearing a mask and suppressing who they are will eventually make them bitter if it hasn’t already, and having every single thing they could ever want will leave them empty and wanting for authentic souls to surround themselves with, longing for a purpose that money can never buy.