05/26/2024: Pine, CO Day 5

It’s already our last day. I don’t know where the time goes. Sometimes it feels like it just mercilessly slips through my fingers. And I still try to desperately hang on. I feel that familiar longing for things to stay the same, if only for just a little while longer. I could get used to a life being out of touch with the rest of the world.

If I didn’t have to go back I wouldn’t. I’d leave it all behind today and never look back. The world can have their distractions and all the consumption they can stand. I just don’t want any part of it anymore. I’m mentally drained at the thought of going back already. I want to take nature with me, to trade our day to day for this simplicity of life outside of the rest of the world, and I want to enjoy my slow passing days and tranquility for the rest of my life. 

I know I’ll find my way back; I always do. But it’s been too long, and I’m afraid it will be even longer before we’ll be able to do this again, at least on this scale. I am happy that nature is as accessible as it is, and I do look forward to showing more family and friends our new world. We’ve got a lot of things planned, and I know that it can be overwhelming. But right now I know that we also crave more experiences like this one, because they’re the only things that can ground us again and rejuvenate our weary souls. 

Nothing else in this world gives me and my love this feeling, this internal peace and joy. I think that’s why my heart physically aches when I know we have to leave these places. It’s the one thing where if I wished for an infinite supply of days like this, it would never get old, and I would always be home. 

Over the years since we left home, that has become the big question. Where are we going to put down roots for ourselves? Where is that special place where we truly feel at home, in a constant state of well being? How much longer will we be forced to chase that feeling and hold on for dear life to the memories we make when we’re lucky enough to make them?

I never thought that what I’d want out of life would be so pure and simple. I just want to do what I love, and I want to do it in a beautiful place. I want to see the world outside, and I want to do it with the ones I love most in the world. It doesn’t sound like too much to ask, yet we both know that we’re still trapped in the bustling world, spinning our wheels in a panic as we try to escape. I’m tired of that restless feeling. I just want to live the life that I want down in my weary soul. I hope I get to someday.